Surge in Enrollment as Athletes with the Handicap of Being Born Female Join the Games.
Satire City, N.D. – The Cripalympic games which have traditionally sponsored athletes in the following categories of disability – amputee, cerebral palsy, intellectual disability, wheelchair and vision impairment has just announced that it will be adding a new category of qualifying disability – born a female.
One of the newly minted biologically female Cripalympic athletes – Anita Peter, is excited to start her career as a Crypalympian competing against other handicapped athletes.
“Hell Yeah. I’m excited! I’m NOT a hateful transphobe. In this arena – I’ll have absolutely no problem competing against an athlete who, through no fault of their own, happened to have been born a male – as long as they also happened to have been born missing an arm or a leg or preferably both.”
Another female Cripalympian chimed in “I’m so glad I quit Transgender infused women sports. I’m much more comfortable in the exclusive company of other handicapped individuals. I mean – as mentally challenged as some of these athletes are, at least they know which locker room and bathroom to use.”
Another strong, able bodied biologically female athlete who had just shattered a Cripalympic World record by wiping the floor with her competitors was insistent that being a female was not her only handicap.
“I’m a member of the BGLEDA community.”
“The what?”
“The Below the Groin Lower Extremity Double Amputee community.”
“Community? You mean there are more people like you?”
“Oh yeah – all over the world. There must be like, several of us.”
“But, but you clearly are NOT a double amputee! You’re not even trying to hide your legs!”
“I’m hiding my legs about as well as the transgender women hide the bulge in their swim trunks.”
Another able bodied female athlete who came in one tenth of a second behind, securing second place, suffers from an even more devastating imaginary handicap.
“Don’t let these highly functional arms and legs fool you, she said while victoriously hoisting her trophy above her head. “I identify as quadriplegic.”
While some small minded, bigoted, hateful inbred people have found fault with this kind of unfair “competition”, the Republican governors of Utah and Indiana have issued a brave joint proclamation:
“We fully support the rights of male athletes who think they are women to compete against women athletes – the rights of able-bodied athletes who think they are amputees to compete against amputee athletes, and we want every little boy in the great states of Utah and Indiana to know that one day they can grow up to become either the President or the First Lady of these United States of America”
