Satire City, FL – Lev L. Head, Chief Scientist for the Society of Flat Earthers, Mouth Breathers and Knuckle Draggers has reviewed the multitudes of high resolution but still curiously 2-Dimensional photographs and hours of 4k flat screen video released by NASA and announced the publication of his findings on a video call with several dozen other space enthusiasts (mostly enthusiastic about the space they occupy in their mother’s basements).
“The so-called ‘scientists’ at NASA, with their quaint Newtonian superstitions and fetish for curved surfaces, have accidentally provided the most conclusive evidence that the earth is flat since the Pinto and Santa Maria fell off the edge.”
The article published in The Journal of Tin Hat Astrophysics goes on to state, “If the earth were a rotating sphere as the ‘scientists’ at NASA are paid by the government to tell us, – it would be spinning at 1000 miles an hour at the equator!”
“Anyone who has ever spun a ball knows if anything is on its surface it’s going to fly off! All you would need to do to be launched into space is to let go! The very fact that they need a rocket to get off the ground proves the earth is flat!!”
He stops yelling long enough for the bulging vein on his forehead to return to its natural state of flatness and deeply sighs. “It’s so frustrating to debunk these round earthers as anyone who has ever spread a map out on a table can see very obviously that the earth is flat…”
“Then they sent Artemis ‘around’ the moon and what did we see?! “Look at these pictures! The shadows are wrong! They’re always wrong, every shadow, everywhere, at all times — wrong! We see a flat horizon. No curvature. Just a big, shiny, two-dimensional frisbee in the sky, basically a cosmic cheese quesadilla. Case closed, sheeple!!”
