Satire City, CA – According to City Officials, information gathered from crime statistics and security cameras trained on the blood and poop covered streets of San Francisco have revealed a serious 2020 census undercount of the city’s homicidal maniac population.
According to the US Census bureau – the total population of San Francisco was 873,965. But following recent high-profile crimes, city investigators have spent thousands of hours watching surveillance footage from the city’s security cameras and were shocked to see 907,463 knife, axe or crowbar wielding maniacs. The Chief of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion and Body Count (formerly the Chief of Police) stated, “we didn’t even count the ones carrying bloody icepicks or claw hammers.”
Nancy Pelosi immediately filed a petition to add another representative from San Francisco to the US House of Representatives.
“It’s not fair!”, she bellowed “Since 2020 our population of homicidal maniacs, I mean citizens, has skyrocketed as these deranged individuals, I mean fine citizens worthy of representation, have been fleeing the oppression of the evil red states where they are not allowed to victimize and terrorize decent law-abiding people, I mean bigoted racists, homophobes, and transphobes.”
Unfortunately (for her), the petition for another representative was denied when it was discovered that since 2020 thousands of other San Franciscans have left the city in their cars, in moving trucks or in the backs of hearses.
