Title: Privacy Policy
Last updated: 1/25/2026
Welcome to Napalm News.
We make satire, not surveillance.
This Privacy Policy explains what information we collect, how we use it, and your rights when using our site, commenting, subscribing, or becoming a member.
By using this site, you agree to the practices below.
- Information We Collect
Information you provide voluntarily
You may provide:
- name or username
- email address
- comments or submissions
- newsletter signups
- membership or subscription details
- messages you send us
If you post something publicly, it’s public. The internet remembers everything. Choose wisely.
Information collected automatically
We may automatically collect:
- IP address
- browser/device type
- pages visited
- time on site
- referral links
- cookies and usage data
This helps us understand traffic, fight spam, and keep the site working.
Not build a secret dossier.
- How We Use Your Information
We use information to:
- operate the site
- display comments and submissions
- moderate content
- send newsletters (if you opt in)
- manage memberships/subscriptions
- process payments
- improve performance and analytics
- serve ads (if enabled)
- comply with legal obligations
We do not sell your personal information.
Ever. We’re sarcastic, not shady.
- Cookies & Tracking Technologies
We use cookies and similar technologies to:
- remember logins and preferences
- enable comments
- prevent spam
- analyze traffic
- measure ad performance
- personalize ads (if applicable)
You can disable cookies in your browser settings, but some features may not work properly.
- Advertising
We may display advertisements through third-party ad networks (such as Google AdSense or similar providers).
These services may:
- use cookies
- collect device and usage data
- show personalized or contextual ads
- track ad performance
We do not control how third-party advertisers use data. Please review their privacy policies for details.
You may be able to opt out of personalized advertising through your browser or ad settings.
- Newsletters & Email Communications
If you subscribe to our newsletter, we collect your email address to:
- send updates
- share new articles
- promote site content
- occasionally send announcements or offers
You can unsubscribe at any time by clicking the unsubscribe link in any email.
We do not sell or rent email lists.
- Paid Memberships & Payments
If you purchase a membership or subscription, we may collect:
- name
- account details
- payment information
Payments are processed securely through third-party providers (e.g., Stripe, PayPal, etc.).
We do NOT store full credit card numbers on our servers.
Those are handled by the payment processor.
- Third-Party Services
We may use trusted third-party services to operate the site, including:
- hosting providers
- analytics tools
- ad networks
- comment platforms
- email newsletter platforms
- payment processors
- spam protection services
These services may process data according to their own privacy policies.
We choose reputable providers but cannot control their practices.
- User Content
Comments and submissions you post are public and may be visible to others or indexed by search engines.
We are not responsible for how others use information you choose to make public.
If you wouldn’t put it on a billboard, maybe don’t post it.
- Data Retention
We keep information only as long as necessary to:
- operate accounts
- maintain memberships
- comply with legal requirements
- resolve disputes
You may request deletion at any time.
- Your Rights
Your Rights
Depending on your location, you may have the right to request access to, correction of, or deletion of your personal information.
If you want us to delete your data or account, email us at napalmnews2026@gmail.com and we’ll take care of it.
We don’t hoard data. We run jokes, not a surveillance state.
- Security
We take reasonable steps to protect your information, but no website is 100% secure.
- Children’s Privacy
This site is not intended for children under 13, and we do not knowingly collect information from children.
- Changes to This Policy
We may update this policy occasionally. Updates will appear here with a new “Last updated” date.
- Contact
Questions or privacy requests?
Email: napalmnews2026@gmail.com
