Omaha, NE- A 1,500 person strong migrant caravan trying to escape the gangs and drug lords running the strife stricken Central American country of (insert the name of ANY Central American country here), was spotted heading north through Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Nebraska where the confused migrants finally stopped in downtown Omaha to ask – “Where is the border?”
Caravan member and flat footed bone spur sufferer Miguel said they really, really should have stopped a few weeks ago after they trekked nearly 400 miles into Texas and started to hear people speaking English.
Caravan leader Juan said through a translator, “I don’t understand what happened. My cousin Emilio came north last year and was greeted at the border by US federal agents and an army of social workers. He got free food, healthcare, spending money and offered a bus or plane ticket to any American city of his choice. But us? Nothing. I guess they finally did it. There IS no border! ”
He shrugged his shoulders looked down at his compass and nodded his head, “So we just kept walking.”
Asked why he came to America, Juan said,” I want to work so I can earn enough money to feed Conchita Isabella Adriana Belinda Regina Esmeralda.”
“Are those your children?”
“No senor, that’s just my wife.”
Juan added, “I want what every immigrant wants…to live the American dream! To learn to speak English, to work, become successful, have a nice home, send my children to good schools and then – to join a country club and vote Republican!”
Upon seeing this quote on social media, the Chairperson of the Organization for Illegal Immigrant Voting Rights and thousands of formerly sympathetic liberals and progressives called their formerly sympathetic and teary-eyed Democratic representatives and demanded the migrants be deported immediately.
As of press time, the Biden administration sensing a “real and present danger” from the border, ordered a battalion of horse mounted border guards to beat the migrants back across the Rio Grande.
