Satire City, MN – After being arrested for leading a group of deranged, crazed leftists into a Minneapolis church to disrupt Sunday services and terrorize old women and children “for a good cause”, Don Lemon defiantly told federal prosecutors, judges and legal scholars that “as a reporter”, the first amendment gives him the right to do “whatever the hell he wants, to whoever the hell he wants, whenever and wherever the hell he wants!”
After being released without bail (and evidently without a clue), Don went right back to doing what he does best, making a disrespectable, spectacle of himself.
It seems Don embedded himself as a “reporter” into a group of “social justice warriors” who were organizing a protest against the corrupt “banking industry”.
In a live report to his loyal 237 social media channel followers from the front seat of a getaway car, parked outside the bank, Don boasted how these “brave souls are protesting for equity! They’re protesting against greed and wealth inequality! They’re protesting that the banks have all the money and they don’t!”
Then Don documented for the benefit of his audience (and future federal prosecutors) as he and the “demonstrators“ in the back seat checked to see if the coast was clear, loaded their guns, pulled the ski masks over their faces, jumped out of the car and ran into the bank.
Don of course had no idea that they were going into a bank or what they were going to do once they got in there.
After his comrades announced, “This is a stick up!”, fired several shots into the ceiling and started collecting bags of money, Don finally realized what they were up to.
At this point Don grabbed a terrified teller and reassured her, “I’m not one of the bank robbers”, then pulled off his mask to reveal his face, “I’m Don Lemon!”
“Who?!” The terrified teller asked.
“Don Lemon”, he smiled, “the famous reporter!”
She trembled , “Uh huh….”
“Oh, I see how it is…just because I’m a black man in a ski mask waving a gun around, you think I’m here to rob you?!”
“Please, please just take the money…”
Don getting angry, “Y’know lady…you’re a racist!!”
Don then stuck the gun in the teller’s face and says , “Oh sorry, wrong hand.” He then switches hands and stuck a microphone in the teller’s face and asked, “Do you mind if I ask you some questions?”
“Please, please don’t hurt me…” she sobs.
“So how does it feel to have your bank robbed at gunpoint? Are you going to do your fair share to redistribute the wealth to my friends, uh, I mean these completely unknown to me assailants… or do they need to shoot you for their good cause?”
