Satire City, DC – After 160 attacks against American troops in the Middle East, President Biden has finally had enough and is going to war!
According to the President, “After tucking my tail between my legs and running from Afghanistan, the last thing in the world I wanted was to get sucked into another war overseas with a foreign country – even if those foreign countries hate us, keep shooting missiles at us, occasionally wound, maim and kill some of us, and want ALL of us dead! But then I got this brilliant idea. Hey, we don’t have to go halfway around the world to fight a belligerent, hostile government in an oil rich desert! We can do that right here in Texas!”
“Texas?”
“Sure! After all, my administration has made it very clear from day one that our enemies are not overseas, we are at war with America first!”
“But Texas? Why Texas?”
“Well, it was either Texas or Florida and I got grandkids. I didn’t want to be the mean Grandpa who nuked Disney World.”
“Besides, Texas is the one that is trying to take away the god given right of every person on earth to come into the United States – to live in the land of the free!! Free food, free housing, free transportation, free education, and free healthcare!”
“But Mr. President, Texas is an American state which is being invaded by Mexico!”
“Yes. I know. I wasn’t born yesterday – or any other day in the last 80 years for that matter…”
“So why, why are you joining the war on the side of Mexico?”
“Because the last time Mexico went to war with Texas, the Mexicans killed all the Texans at the Alamo. I may not remember much, but I remember that!! So, this time I want to make sure America gets in on the winning side of this thing…”
“But Mr. President, Texas did eventually end up winning the war against Mexico.”
“Oh crap…”
