Satire City, NY – Earlier in the week Pro-Palestine demonstrators disrupted the Christmas tree lighting celebrations in Rockefeller Center, chanting “Free Palestine from the Jews – Baby Jesus that means you too!!”
Pro-Palestine demonstrators then weaved their way through the streets of NYC, stopping traffic and taunting and kicking anyone who looked ‘Jew-ish’.
According to one demonstrator, “We are reasonable, peace-loving people. All we want is a ceasefire.”
“Like the ceasefire that was in effect before being shattered by the orgy of rape, torture, murder, infanticide and kidnapping perpetuated by Gaza against Israel on October 7th?”
Yes! Yes! She said excitedly, “A ceasefire exactly like that one!”
The Pro-Palestine demonstrators then descended upon someone they thought looked like a Zionist – Father Time, AKA Old Man 2023 as he waited around in Times Square to pass the torch to Baby New Year 2024.
Despite there being only a handful of sand left to go, the mostly peaceful and peace-loving mob smashed his hourglass on the sidewalk, beat him over the head with a megaphone, tore at his long white robe and finally beheaded him with his own scythe.
NYPD cordoned off the bloody crime scene as members of the crowd shouted out their defense for their actions.
“He was an old white man!”
“He was a symbol of the patriarchy!”
“With the long white beard, we thought he was a rabbi!”
“C’mon, man!! I mean, how many reasons do we need to beat him to death?!”
NYPD has decided not to press charges as to not ‘escalate’ the situation. According to New York State Attorney General Letitia James. “All the bloodthirsty, but beautifully diverse crowd did was beat a defenseless old man to death. It’s not like they inflated the value of their real estate holdings which IS a prosecutable offense in New York!”
As 2023 ushered in a new era of unprecedented lawlessness and urban violence, some say it is only fitting that Old Man 2023 was literally reaped by what he had sown.
Even his oldest, dearest friend, Father Christmas said, “I gave him a lump of coal this year. A lot of bad sh*t happened on his watch. It may be a day early, but no one is sad to see Old Man 2023 go. I consider it a mercy killing.”
After this high-profile murder and despite the fact that there are literally a hundred thousand terror supporters in the streets of NYC, Mayor Eric Adams is assuring the New Year’s Eve partygoing public, that there are “no known threats.”
The Pro-Palestine demonstrators were last heard chanting. “When the land is occupied, resistance is justified!!” and are reportedly planning to stay in Times Square for the New Years Eve party so when Baby New Year arrives, they can ‘resist’ by beating him to death too.
