Satire City, FL – What started as high fives and slaps on the back between friends has reportedly ended up as much, much more.
According to one unfortunately well-placed observer, President Elect Trump and Elon Musk were seen swapping spit in a drunken make out session at the Thanksgiving celebration at Mara Lago.
“Absolutely not true.” Said Trump’s incoming Press secretary Karoline Leavitt. “They were not drunk.”
Said another witness from their hospital bed where they are recovering from dehydration due to intractable projectile vomiting – “My life is over. I can’t get the image out of my head, and I can’t stop vomiting!”
Though most witnesses are too traumatized to speak of it, widely circulated video from the event does document disturbing activities. According to a statement from the Village People, “Seeing Musk and Trump dancing to YMCA was even too gay for us!! God, please, PLEASE make them stop!”
When Melania was asked how she felt about Elon Musk moving into the White House with her husband she said “better him than me.” When asked about the rumor that Musk would be sharing a bed with her husband she again replied, “better him than me.”
But not everyone is happy with this arrangement. Trump’s former boy toy, the ex-drug addict turned geriatric health hunk, RFK Jr. said despondently, “He used to tell me every day, “I love you Bobby.” He bravely continued, “Last week in a bid to win him back, I met with Donald behind closed doors. I stripped off my shirt and slathered Big Mac secret sauce on my chest only for Trump to coldly tell me, Don’t touch my gas Bobby…”.
Bursting into tears RFK Jr. comforted himself by compulsively alternating between bites of a Big Mac and a deep-fried turkey. “It’s no use, I’m old news, he only has eyes for Elon”.
According to one expert in sexual repression, the signs of Musk being gay were not only there, but were, in retrospect rather obvious. “He has children through artificial insemination, he likes to bore deep into dirty holes and oh yeah, for God’s sake he literally walks around with a flamethrower! On the Gay scale he’s way higher than Pete Buttigieg and probably just under Liberace.”
In another nod to the gay friendly, if not entirely outright gay administration, Trump has appointed the first openly gay Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent who, in his first official act, is expected to start printing “Queer as” $3 bills.
Late breaking development: It has just been reported that Elon Musk has traded in his “Occupy Mars” T shirt for a more form fitting flamboyant T-shirt that reads, “Occupy Uranus”.
