Satire City, DC – For months now Donald Trump and “first Buddy” Elon Musk have been unnaturally close. In fact, Musk had been living with Trump at Mar-a-Lago for so long, the state of Florida considered them to be in a ‘common law’ marriage.
Everyone thought the relationship would cool once Trump returned to the White House but surprisingly Elon has followed Trump to Washington.
Reportedly, Elon asked President Trump’s Chief of Staff Susie Wiles for a desk and cubby in the ‘corner’ of the Oval Office. That request was denied.
Musk then asked for a modest office in a West Wing closet next to the Diet Coke machine where he would be assured of seeing the President at least 5 times a day. That request was denied.
Finally, Musk asked for a desk in a West Wing bathroom stall where he would at least see the President’s pants rolled down over his ankles in the stall next door 3 times a day. That request was also denied.
It seems the man best known for his immense wealth, building cars that make fart noises and being profoundly autistic was unable to read the room.
After senior White House staff members dropped numerous additional hints like, “You’re still here? Don’t you have a rocket ship to catch?” Musk still wouldn’t leave. Eventually, Secret Service agents literally had to cut Musk loose after he duct taped himself to the President’s leg.
After Musk had not been seen for a few days. White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles breathed a sigh of relief that he had moved out and moved on.
But yesterday during a routine physical exam, Dr. Colin Sigmoid was performing a colonoscopy on the President and made a disturbing discovery.
According to the Doctor who, in the name of transparency decided to violate all federal HIPPA laws, “I inserted an endoscope and was inspecting the President’s colon expecting to maybe find a hemorrhoid or a polyp or perhaps a rolled-up subpoena served by an overzealous prosecutor, but instead deep in his bowels, I found Elon Musk!”
It appears that several days earlier, while top staffers went to the front door of the White House to take a bag of McDonald’s from the Uber eats delivery man, Elon Musk took the opportunity to crawl right up the President’s butt and make himself at home.
As we have all been witness to, for the past several years numerous people had been crawling up and around Trump’s butt including, Former Attorney General Merrick Garland, Special Counsels, Robert Mueller and Jack Smith, New York District Attorney Alvin Bragg and Georgia Fulton County District Attorney Fani Willis.
But after Trump’s re-election they all had to drop the endless investigations and move out leaving a cavernous space.
“I have the place all to myself now. It’s quite roomy actually”, said Musk stretched out on a sofa in his new office space which he dubbed “The Oval Orifice”.
“My only complaint is that even with Starlink, it’s hard to maintain a WiFi connection… oh yeah, and it gets quite unpleasant around here about an hour after he eats a Big Mac.”
