Satire City, Israel – Despite the protests of the United Nations, several Democrat US Congresswomen and other Jew haters worldwide, following the explosive success of its handheld electronic pagers and Walkie Talkies, which killed dozens and maimed thousands of Hezbollah operatives, the Israeli spy agency Mossad is looking to branch out into providing other consumer goods to its loyal customer base of genocidal terrorists.
According to Israeli General, Zvi Will Gettemall, “The Israeli intelligence services are ready and willing to supply Hezbollah or any other terrorist organization with whatever they need to achieve their goal of martyrdom. I mean, they want to die for their cause…we want them to die for their cause…so as far as I’m concerned, we’re all on the same side.”
The General continued, “Here, ready for export, we have a wide assortment of exploding cell phones, exploding car batteries, exploding cars, exploding coffee makers, exploding toasters, exploding dishwashers, exploding televisions, exploding toothbrushes, exploding toothpaste, exploding guitars, exploding billiard balls.”
“Very impressive, and what’s that?”
“Oh, that’s a boom box.”
“Does it play music?”
“No, it just goes boom.”
“Very nice…”
“Oh, and when they fear losing their hearing from everything exploding all around them, they can use these specially designed ear plugs which of course will also explode.”
“Very ingenious. Is there anything you CAN’T make explode?”
“Just Shoes.”
“Shoes?”
“Yeah”, he said sadly, “the terrorists beat us to the patent on shoe bombs so our lawyer says we can’t make them…y’know, we don’t want any legal trouble…”
“Understandable…”
“And for the terrorist leaders that we couldn’t kill with exploding household items, we’ve resorted to the old-fashioned method of killing them by exploding their houses.”
Despite the deaths of the head of Hamas and the deaths of numerous leaders of Hezbollah including one who had been directly responsible for killing hundreds of Americans, not every American is happy. President Biden and Vice President Harris are blaming Israel for “escalation” and the clearly frustrated, US Secretary of State, Anthony Chamberlain Blinken shouted, “What are the Israelis doing?! Don’t they realize they are jeopardizing the peace process?! At this rate, there will be no genocidal terrorists left for me to negotiate a ceasefire with!”
