Satire City, MA – In this highly biased and genuinely fake interview, an embarrassed Tucker Carlson explains himself.
“It was just supposed to be a quiet guy’s night out…”
“But Tucker, you were kissing him!”
“It was supposed to be a night out, not the night I got outed! But fine!! The bearded cat is out of the bag! Now the whole world knows!!”
“The whole world knows… what?”
“About the affair! I’m so deeply in love with this guy”, he sighed and confessed, “Y’know, love makes you do crazy things…and after you betray your country, it’s not that big a deal to betray your wife.”
“Enough! Interview is over, we don’t want to hear anything else…”
Tucker flashed a mischievous grin and continued, “Sometimes when we’re alone in a hotel room and we’re sure the Mossad isn’t listening, he calls me Big Satan and I’ll let you use your imagination as to what he calls Little Satan”.
The speechless interviewer reached for a barfbag but it was too late.
The defiant conservative talker continued, “Now that it’s out in the open, I’m going to stand by my man! If any of my fellow Conservatives have a problem, it’s because they’re HomoIslamophobic!”
“Or maybe they have a problem with it cause it’s just plain gross…”
The love-struck commentator softened, “I never expected to feel this way about him, y’know, with me all ‘Make America Great Again’ and him all ‘Death to America’, but we got to talking and found we had a lot in common. We both believe Iran should have been allowed to peacefully develop the atomic bomb and long-range ICBMs to destroy Israel and we both believe Trump was being a war monger for preventing that”.
“But Tucker, after Iran destroyed Israel they would come for America. Don’t you love America?”
“Yes! I DO love America, I just hate Israel more.”
