Satire City, DC – In an underground bunker 500 feet below the surface of the scorched earth, a triumphant President Trump declared victory and proudly held up his newly signed nuclear deal with Iran.
The President took full credit for this “great deal” claiming he single handedly convinced Iran to voluntarily give up their nuclear weapons by allowing the mullahs to drop them on Washington, DC, New York City, Los Angeles, Chicago, Mara-Lago, and Lawrence, Kansas.
“No one else could have done the deal I did.”
Standing in front of a flickering TV monitor showing a glowing, city-sized smoldering crater where our nation’s capital used to be, Trump continued, “Yes, I had deployed the stealth bombers, the bunker buster bombs, the naval battle groups…everything I needed to bomb Iran’s nuclear facilities, but then they made this last minute offer so thankfully I didn’t have to fire a shot. I’m proud to say we are now in possession of Iran’s entire nuclear arsenal. Iran is no longer a threat.”
“But Mr. President! Our cities!!”
“A small price to pay for peace in our time. I drove a hard bargain. They wanted to drop only half their bombs on us, but I told them I want them to give us ALL of them.”
“Brilliant…”
“They were disappointed that they wouldn’t have even one left for Tel Aviv, but ultimately, they caved to my demand.”
Accolades for Trump’s diplomacy are coming in from France, Russia, China, North Korea, the United Nations, The Nobel Committee and the Neville Chamberlain Society. Even democrats who hated everything Trump has ever done were teary-eyed and heaping praise on the President. From the shelter under his multi-million-dollar mansion in Martha’s Vineyard, former President Barack Obama said, “It’s too bad Jimmy Carter and millions of other evil-appeasing Democrats in our major metropolitan areas didn’t live long enough to see this deal – they would’ve been so proud.”
