Satire City, FL – Top scientists who collectively spent thousands of hours combing the news feeds, analyzing the data, and confirming their findings have announced a groundbreaking scientific discovery.
“Former President Donald Trump has proven the existence of parallel universes because he’s living in one.”
The head of the team Dr. Deepak Bulshnitz goes on to explain.
“Unlike Hillary Clinton’s election denial in 2016 which caused a giant ripple and small hole in space time which was quickly mended by Hillary’s retreat into the woods with a box of Kleenex, a case of Merlot, a bunch of pushpins, a cigar cutter, and an anatomically correct Anthony Wiener voodoo doll – Trump’s loud, obnoxious and incessant election denial has succeeded in ripping a huge tear in the spacetime continuum.
Now Trump lives in a fantastical dreamlike parallel universe he (not surprisingly) named after himself – The Trumpiverse – whose only known portal of entry is Mar-a-Lago.
According to another member of the research team Dr. Seymour Butz, “President Trump may have been cheated out of the Nobel Peace Prize for the Abraham accords but I think he’s got a lock on the next Nobel Prize in Physics.”
The Trumpiverse is a true parallel universe where former President Trump is loved, admired and respected by all. Where he communicates with his countless minions on something called Truth Social rather than Twitter. Where he announces his next run for the presidency in front of an adoring but captive audience.
Although it is a paradise playground for the former President, unfortunately it is also an isolated separate universe where he is tragically cut off from his daughter Ivanka, his former billionaire financial backers, and the much-needed help of competent mental healthcare professionals.
Team psychiatrist Dr. Sigmoid Turd said, “All efforts to establish rational communication to this other dimension have failed. Strangely, it seems the only entities that have been able to pass the portal into the Trumpiverse are FBI agents sent from the Department of Justice.”
Scientists are desperately working around the clock to create a new element they call DeSantium which they hope will fix the tear in spacetime and close the portal to the Trumpiverse once and for all.
