Lawn Guyland, NY – In a country with a proud tradition of Pathological liars serving in high office. George Santos of New York’s 3rd US Congressional district unexpectedly found himself hounded by the media for lying about his educational and family background during his campaign.
The pearl clutching journalists who just finished reporting on how energetic and visionary Joe Biden is, how effective and inspiring Kamala Harris is, what a great city San Francisco is and what a good boy Hunter Biden is, demanded that George Santos tell the truth !!
Under the hot lights and unblinking eyes of the TV cameras, Santos sheepishly admitted that in fact, he did not, as previously claimed, graduate from Baruch College. That he had in fact, lied. He explained that he did so to make himself seem more common and less intimidating because – as he went on to explain.
“I actually have a bachelor’s degree in physics from Harvard, a master’s degree in Literature from Oxford and a PhD in whatever it is Jill Biden has hers in – except mine is from Stanford!”
This sent the journalists into a texting tizzy trying to contact their “fact checkers” (who were busy confirming that Hunter Biden’s laptop was planted by the Russians and that the Coronavirus – Covid19, originated from an infected bat at an open air market in Wuhan immediately next door to the Fauci funded Coronavirus research facility that it definitely did NOT leak from).
Before anyone could gather enough information to call him a liar about his latest batch of claims Santos went on to tell the journalists that in fact he has four Nobel prizes. One each in Physics, Chemistry, Medicine and another he dug out from the bottom of a box of cereal when he was only six years old. He went on to truthfully explain how the act of digging through the cereal was more than Obama did to earn his Nobel Prize.
Santos also cleared up the controversy surrounding his mother’s heritage.
He explains, “ My mother was not Jewish – my mother actually was the Queen of England and I, as her secret first born son, am the rightful heir to the British throne.
When asked, “How can you be the Queen’s firstborn when you are so much younger than Charles?”
George smirked and wagged his finger knowingly at the journalist and said, “Obviously you are you not familiar with time travel. It’s what I won the Nobel prize in Physics for.”
Another journalist chimed in, “I just heard from my fact checker. You did NOT win a Nobel Prize in Physics.”
“I win in 2037.”
Unlike most candidates, who contest losing their election (Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Stacey Abrams, Kari Lake), everyone agrees that George Santos won his election, but he is contesting which office he was elected to.
Santos insists that the good people of his Long Island NY Congressional district have elected him “Lord Protector of the Milky Way Galaxy”.
According to the Republican Party leadership, “Yes, we are aware of the fact that George Santos is a prolific and shameless liar BUT he identifies as an honest man and expects everyone to treat him as such. Who are we to question his identity preference?
Democrats on the other hand have condemned Santos as “wholly untrustworthy and not fit for office” until he told them he was also lying about being a Republican, admitting privately to them that he is actually a Democrat.
Now according to the Democratic Party leadership, “George Santos is an unconventional bold leader who is not afraid to speak his truth – no matter how unrelated it is from the actual truth.”
