Everytown, FL- Angered by the right-wing politics of the State of Florida with its intemperate climate deniers and its intolerant perpetrators of the “Don’t say Gay” law, the leftist gods of global warming and sexual tolerance have teamed up to punish Florida with Hurricane Ian – The world’s first openly gay hurricane !
Says Hurricane Ian, “I wish I could spend time in Key West partying with my peeps, but this is not a pleasure trip. I’m here to F@&k with you Florida!! Mother Nature is a drag Queen and she’s an angry bitch !! Florida – get ready for some payback !!”
According to an LGBTQ spokesperson. “If Florida didn’t want to attract the attention of a gay hurricane maybe it shouldn’t be temptingly dangling its huge phallic self out into the ocean !”
Earlier today, Category 4 hurricane Ian barreled ashore screaming, “Hey Florida !! – I’m Queer and I’m here to blow you and drench you all with my heavenly body fluids !!”
According to long time Florida resident, Manley Mann, “I’ve lived in Florida my whole life and I ain’t never run from a hurricane before … didn’t matter… they could be a category 5… big as Texas… they ain’t never scared me – but this one”, he shutters in fear, “This one scares me ! I’m getting the hell outta here !!”
Governor DeSantis has urged all Floridians to defend themselves and especially their children from the ravages of the world’s first openly gay hurricane.
“Put storm shutters up on your windows. Stack sandbags around your doors. If the hurricane still tries to force itself into your house then you, as a Floridian, have the right to stand your ground and shoot it !!”
This is a developing story. Check back for updates.
