Satire City, D.C. — President Donald Trump has reportedly solved congressional opposition to his proposed White House ballroom by announcing that the 90,000-square-foot addition will no longer be just a ballroom – it will also be an abortion clinic.
“This isn’t just a ballroom anymore,” Trump explained from the Oval Office. “It’s a reproductive healthcare facility. A beautiful reproductive healthcare facility. Probably the most beautiful abortion clinic anywhere in the world. We’re calling it Planned Ballroomhood.”
Democratic opposition collapsed within minutes.
According to Chief of Staff, Susie Q. Wild, “It will be a multi-purpose room which will alternate between serving fancy white-gloved dinners to hundreds of dignitaries on the weekends and performing sterile, latex-gloved abortions on thousands of women during the week.”
Supportive abortion rights activists chained themselves to the White House fence holding signs reading:
MY BODY
MY CHOICE
MY CRYSTAL CHANDELIER
Congressional Democrats, who had spent months denouncing the project as an extravagant monument to Trump’s ego, demanded that construction restart immediately.
Democrat Senate Minority Leader, Shmuck Chumer, demanded the budget be increased from $600 million in private funding, to $2 billion in taxpayer federal funding.
“This facility is no longer about Donald Trump. It’s about women’s right to choose. We cannot allow Republicans to interfere with deeply personal decisions between a woman, her doctor and her ballroom architect.”
In the House, Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is now the most vocal supporter of the newly created ‘Donald J. Trump Presidential Ballroom and Women’s Reproductive Freedom Pavilion’, insisting that the facility also include an egg-freezing center.
“For me, personally, myself, I’m freezing my eggs because with my busy schedule as a Congresswomanperson or whatever I am, I unfortunately don’t have time to get pregnant” she said while dabbing tears from her eyes before continuing, “and in 40 years I don’t want to be one of those old, lonely women who look back at their life and regret not ever having an abortion”.
