Vatican Satire City – Last month the Pope publicly acknowledged past church involvement in Canada’s persecution of its Indigenous peoples. In a speech where the Pope dubbed Canada the “North American Axis of Evil” the pontiff apologized for the church’s lapse of judgement (“We f*#ed up, we trusted them”) and promised to follow God’s lead and turn his back on the frozen hell hole that is Canada.
Vatican City immediately broke diplomatic relations with Canada (whose motto is “Every day is a cold day in hell”) and the Pope beat a hasty exit out of the country.
Since then, thousands of frost bitten Canadians appealed to the Pope to come back and actually DO something to tackle the evil that plagues their country where it is easier to get a late term abortion than it is to get a ticket to a hockey game.
After Church cryptographers painstakingly deciphered the desperate, pleas for help written in a strange mixture of pidgin English and French – Eh? The CCIA (Catholic Church Intelligence Agency) agreed drastic action needed to be taken.
Last week, in the dead of night (10 pm to be exact since everyone in Canada goes to bed at 8 because there’s nothing to do) a Vatican SEAL team silently descended on Ottawa to perform an exorcism on Justin Trudeau.
After 36 straight grueling hours of chanting bible verses, burning his skin with a silver cross and throwing buckets of holy water on the levitating, head-swiveling, pea soup vomiting Prime Minister of Canada, the pope admitted defeat.
Emerging from the chamber the clearly demoralized pontiff somberly stated “He said some very bad things about my mother.”
Wiping the bile-stained vomit from his face the Pope continued, “I was unable to drive the demon out of his body which can only mean one thing… Justin Trudeau is not possessed by the devil, he IS the devil !!
