Satire City, NY – With the pending SpaceX IPO, Elon Musk, having long held the title of richest man on earth is now projected to become the richest life form in the universe.
According to chief accountant at the GAO (God’s Accounting Office), Peter Ledger — St. Peter’s number crunching cousin, “Elon Musk is not only the richest person in the universe, he’s the richest person in 14.6 billion years to have EVER inhabited the universe! According to my calculations, by this time next week, Elon Musk will have more money than God!!”
Since hearing the news, a despondent God has been locked away in his office sulking – wringing his hands, pulling long white locks of hair out of his head and muttering to himself, “How did this happen? How can anyone have more money than all-knowing, all-powerful me?!!”
Banging his fist on the desk in a fit of jealous rage as a bolt of lightning struck down a tree in the Space X parking lot, God continued, “I would smite him, but he does so much good for the advancement of the human race. Oh…and I’m on the waiting list to get a new Tesla roadster”.
When asked why he doesn’t just make more money for himself, God replied, “It’s not like I can snap my fingers or cross my arms and blink to make a few trillion dollars’ worth of gold. I’m not a magician or a genie! I’m God! I have to follow the rules of the Universe I created. There’s a process!!”
“A process?”
“Yes, it’s called the rapid neutron capture process. First, I have to produce two massive neutron stars. Then I have to bend spacetime just enough to get them to collide with sufficient force to create huge numbers of free neutrons some of which will decay into protons creating heavy elements like gold and platinum.”
“There ya go, easy peasy.”
“Unfortunately, it’ll take ME at least 10 million years to do that! HE makes a trillion dollars every 55 years! At that rate, I’ll never catch up!”
