Satire City, DC – Last month President Trump proposed a plan to get the civilians out of Gaza and relocate them to find shelter and refuge among their Arab brethren in the neighboring countries of Egypt and Jordan.
That plan however was quickly rejected by their Arab brethren who steadfastly refuse to take in any Gazans.
In desperation, last week, President Trump made a counter proposal to the people of Gaza. “Forget about going to Egypt or Jordan – release all the hostages NOW or you will all be going to hell!”
Unfortunately, in another setback for President Trump, this plan too is being thwarted, as the leader of hell, the devil himself, is also refusing to take any Gazans.
According to a post on X from the official blue checked verified account of TheRealPrinceofDarkness666, the devil flatly states, “The Israelis have already killed thousands of Hamas fighters. They can be in heaven with 72 virgins for all I know, but I can tell you this… they are NOT here in hell. I won’t take them!”
In a shock MSNBC interview which aired live for an audience of 43 people, the devil clarified his position on why the gates of hell are closed to Gazans.
“Excuse me, Mr. Satan…”
“Dr. Satan!”
“Dr. Satan?”
“Yes, I just completed an online PhD in Education.” I’m as much of a Doctor as Jill Biden.”
“OK, then – Dr. Satan, why will you not allow Gazans into hell?”
“For the same reason they aren’t being allowed into Egypt, Jordan or anywhere else on the surface of the earth.”
“And why is that?”
“They’re too evil.”
“Too evil? For hell?”
“Yes.”
“Please explain doctor.”
“Gladly, you see, hell was designed to punish individual bad apples. Run of the mill, Judeo-Christian evil doers – yknow, the occasional liar, adulterer, thief, idol worshipper…”
“Okay…”
“Hell was NOT designed to punish systemic evil doers – throngs of hateful mass murderers, rapists and kidnappers. I mean, these people gleefully torture and kill civilians and then continue to hold their dead bodies for ransom – all while claiming they are the victims! Who the hell does that?! Let’s see, what words did President Trump use to describe them? Oh yeah – sick and twisted.”
“You are on MSNBC and agreeing with President Trump?”
“What, I’m not allowed to do that?”
“No, not really…”
“Sorry, but sometimes Trump and I are the only ones willing to speak to truth…”
“We’ll edit that out later, now back to the Gazans.”
“Yes, the Gazans…. for me, the final straw was watching them last week publicly celebrate the deaths of a young mother, her toddler and baby. Kidnapping and killing innocent babies, and then publicly celebrating their deaths?! Who does that??!”
The devil wiped a tear from his eye before regaining his composure, “even I don’t do that! No parent can stand the thought of it!”
The devil then pulled out his cellphone and showed a screenshot of his infant son, “Handsome little devil, isn’t he?”
“Oh yes.”
“I may be evil, but when you start purposely kidnapping and killing babies – that’s it, I’m out. You may still get sympathy from the Pope, but you’re not getting any from me!”
