Satire City, NY — New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani’s administration has banned younger public-school students from using artificial intelligence, after education officials reportedly discovered that the technology remains dangerously capable of answering questions correctly.
The one-year moratorium applies to elementary and middle-school students and was enacted after concerns were raised by the Teachers unions that unfettered access to AI could interfere with the children’s political indoctrination.
School Officials sounded the alarm soon after discovering that, unlike Wikipedia, Artificial Intelligence has not yet been fully infiltrated and corrupted by leftists.
Unofficially, the trouble began when a fourth grader from Brooklyn asked his chatbot – Who carried out the September 11 attacks?
The computer answered-truthfully and accurately.
“Obviously we can’t have that,” explained Deputy Schools Chancellor Mao-Trotsky. “Children should receive complicated historical information through approved educational channels, where it can first be placed in the appropriate social context.”
He continued, “Young students researching September 11 are encouraged not to become excessively distracted by answers to questions such as who actually did it and why, but instead to explore more constructive questions, including how the attacks made different communities feel and whether American foreign policy had adequately validated everyone’s lived experience.”
AI caused another crisis when a kindergarten student from Staten Island asked: “Is Mayor Mamdani a communist doo-doo head?”
The chatbot responded that “doo-doo head is a subjective characterization but yes, yes Mayor Mamdani IS a communist doo-doo head!”
City officials confiscated the laptop.
The administration stressed that the AI moratorium is consistent with Mamdani’s broader effort to make New York’s public schools more equitable. According to NYC Teachers Union President, Anita Fairshare, “Children who have access to AI disproportionately also have access to fathers who are not in prison or mothers who are not addicted to crack. How many more unfair advantages do they need?!”
