Satire City, TX — Residents of a quiet Texas county are mounting fierce opposition to a proposed Super-sized,“MegaGiga Triple X” semiconductor factory after learning that the facility could bring thousands of jobs, advanced manufacturing and potentially transformative technology to the world and their community.
“Not here,” said one concerned resident, after spitting out a wad of chewing tobacco on to the feet of reporters.
“We moved out here to get away from that kind of stuff.”
The “stuff” in question is SpaceX’s Terafab, an enormous semiconductor manufacturing project planned for Grimes County, about an hour northwest of Houston.
“I’m shocked!! Shocked!!” Said local resident Cooter McSimpleton, “Whoever would’ve imagined that the world’s richest man would build the world’s largest manufacturing building in the largest unfrozen state in the country with the world’s largest economy?!!” Why us?!!
The first phase alone would cost at least $55 billion. If fully developed, the project could eventually manufacture semiconductor chips needed for artificial intelligence, autonomous vehicles, robotics and other technologies widely expected to shape the twenty-first century.
Which is precisely the problem.
“We’ve been getting along just fine without the twenty-first century,” explained local resident Earl “Buck” Pritchard, who learned about the protest of the proposed facility through Facebook on his iPhone 17.
“I don’t need no computer chips telling me what to do.”Pritchard insisted before asking Siri for turn-by-turn directions home.
Residents Demand Answers, Preferably Not From AI
Grimes County Citizens Against Things We Don’t Understand has raised concerns about the enormous project’s water requirements, electrical consumption, traffic impact and “whatever the hell Bluetooth is.”
Several residents also expressed concern that the facility could increase nearby property values.
“My family has spent four generations making sure this barren land remains economically unproductive,” explained rancher Virgil Cobb who vowed to protect the character of his property, which currently consists of a double wide trailer, 41 acres of sand, numerous tumbleweeds, two cows, and a rusted two tone blue 1975 Chevy Impala on concrete blocks. “Elon Musk comes down here with $55 billion and thinks he can just make this all go away?!”
SpaceX representatives assure residents that the project is environmentally friendly, ‘safe-ish’, and will create 1,800 high paying jobs for hard working Texans. That is until the first 1,800 Optimus robots come rolling off the assembly line to replace them.
