Satire City, DC – Last week, in the middle of the night, President Trump signed his 38,000th Executive Order, this one to defund PBS.
Soon after, teams of armed DEA, FBI, IRS and DOJ agents descended upon Sesame Street to round up members of up the newly federally designated, criminal enterprise gang known as Muppet-S13.
In a pre-dawn raid, Oscar the Grouch was handcuffed and formally charged with charity and tax fraud. According to federal prosecutors, Oscar didn’t actually live in the dirty, beaten-up garbage can on Sesame Street. He secretly lived in a multi-million-dollar penthouse condo paid for by contributions to his social justice organization- GLM – Grouchy Lives Matter, an organization he founded after being dumped onto the street numerous times by garbage men who were just trying to do their jobs by taking away the trash.
According to his GLM fundraising website, “The sanitation department is “systemically moodist”. They hate Grouchy people! They’re Grouchaphobic!! DEFUND THE SANITATION DEPARTMENT!!
After participating in a pro-terrorist campus demonstration, Big Bird was also arrested and is currently being detained by ICE awaiting deportation to the Canary Islands.
According to Dr. Dummit Downs, the “Deen of Admisshuns” at Columbia University. “Despite having only learned the letters A through T, Big Bird was admitted to Columbia to diversify our student body as we had previously, shamefully discriminated against those with bird brains.”
“But what about your academic standards?”
“Academic standards? We don’t care about academics! We care about activism!”
“Activism?”
“Yes, and from that standpoint, Big Bird is our ideal student!”
“How so?”
“That stupid sonofabitch may not know from which river to which sea, but he can hold a protest sign over eight feet high!”
“The Count” was also apprehended after having been indicted for federal election fraud in the 2020 Presidential election. He admitted to counting boxfuls of late, unsigned ballots in a room with blacked out windows in the middle of the night in Philadelphia. In his defense, the Count said, “I’m a vampire! I can’t count ballots in the daylight!!”
The feds leading him away told him to, “Tell it to the Judge, not to a District Judge, to the Supreme Court Judges!”
While he was safe in the days of the “pervert and sexual deviant friendly” Biden administration, Elmo was also finally arrested for encouraging children to tickle him.
From his dacha in Russia occupied Crimea, Sesame Street Producer, Che Mao Marx, denies his program has a leftist agenda. The Trump administration however provided the following as proof that Sesame Street is biased against Republicans in general and against President Trump in particular:
1 – From 1971 to 1984, the only Republican ever to appear on Sesame Street was an elephant called the ‘Snuffleupagus’ and everyone pretended they couldn’t see him.
2 – In episode 2347 – “The Election” – meant to show children the importance of being a good citizen. The good citizens of Sesame Street voted for their, friend, neighbor and illegal immigrant Luis to be mayor. Unfortunately, the character ‘Donald Grump’ won and was elected mayor. In the name of “Peace, Justice and Saving Democracy” the citizens of Sesame Street put on face masks, armed themselves with pitchforks, torches and Molotov cocktails, then rampaged through the streets, looted the corner Grocery store and burned down Mr. Roger’s neighborhood.
3 – In episode 2399 – “Grump Tower”. The famous real estate developer character, ‘Donald Grump’ wanted to clear away all the rat-infested, dilapidated tenements and Oscar’s garbage can to build a “big beautiful tower” on Sesame Street. The citizens of Sesame Street responded to his offer by hiring a diverse group of underprivileged, traditionally marginalized, gang members who took Mr. Grump into a back alley and beat the stuffing out of him. No one ever saw ‘Donald Grump’ again…the producers even proudly declared that the episode was brought to you by the letters B for Brass Knuckles and C for Crowbar.
