Satire City, DC – After years of the American public demanding the DOJ fully release the Jeffrey Epstein files including pictures of him with ALL his former associates, the motherlode has finally dropped.
Among the thousands of newly released pictures are many famous faces including, Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, Mick Jagger, Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump, Walter Cronkite, Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, Donald Trump and Diana Ross.
Fortunately, these famous people are either dead, can afford well-armed security guards or are under the protection of the Secret Service.
Unfortunately, in the frenzy to label ANYONE who has EVER appeared in a picture with Jeffrey Epstein as a pedophile and bring them to justice, the People for the Protection of Epstein Related Victims (PERV) have employed an army of tech-savvy, angry Incels to expose, cyberstalk and dox ALL former Epstein associates including 91-year-old Mrs. Mabel McIntire – his third grade teacher.
After finding out that she still lives and where she lives – a bloodthirsty vengeful mob that – on any other day would happily support Gazan terrorists who raped and killed Israeli woman, or third world asylum seekers who routinely rape British school girls, decided they would deliver righteous justice for the decades old statutory rape victims of a most sincerely dead Jeffrey Epstein.
According to local news outlets, a bloodthirsty mob carrying torches and pitchforks broke through the doors and windows of the Shady Pines nursing home in Maywood, Oklahoma at around 3:30 PM.
According to a fellow elderly resident and eyewitness.
“It was exactly 3:33. I’ll never forget it for as long as I live– even if it’s another two weeks. Our Bingo game was interrupted by the terrifying sounds of screaming and breaking glass which caused me to lose control of my bowels an hour sooner than usual.”
“Despite the fact that she only weighs 95 pounds soaking wet, which she usually is because she’s incontinent, about twenty people descended upon her and beat her senseless, which she usually is because she has Alzheimer’s, then lifted her out of her wheelchair, hoisted her above their heads by her broken hips carried her into the courtyard, tied her to a stake and set her on fire.”
PERV protest leader Anita Peter was unrepentant.
“She was only his third-grade teacher, but she was complicit! She taught him to read, write and do arithmetic! Decades later, he used those very skills which HE learned in HER classroom to victimize young girls! And now still more decades later, justice is served!”
Said Mabel’s niece Clara, after being notified of her aunt’s brutal murder. “This is coming as a bit of a shock. I mean, my other aunt was Jeffrey Dahmer’s fifth grade teacher, and no one ever came after her…”
